Monday, April 20, 2015

Wow...its been awhile.

I cant believe its been 2 years since I have posted.  So much has changed.

Since surgery I have been dealing with body image issues galore! Not only has my face decided it wants to revert back to my puberty years.  I am dealing with weight I can not get rid of.

I did try to do a "weight loss" challenge a woman out here was doing.  I got as far as losing 10 pounds, then that was it.   However I am positive I could get this awesome looking body by dedicating my life to health and fitness.   However that is not a possibility for me.  Why you ask?  Too much stress and a belief that life is too short, so if I want a damn cheeseburger I am going to eat one.  Plus after talking to my Mom curves are going to I am getting it from BOTH parents.  Thanks to my Husband I am feeling better about my curves.

But no In reality as most of my Special Mommys understand my life is sleepless nights, diaper changes, fighting insurance, and so on.  A lot of times I am to exhausted to do anything else, haha.

Steven retired from the Air Force.  Definitely a scary time.   We went for awhile not knowing where we were going to live or what was going to happen.  Thanks to a job fair Steven was able to get his foot in at Raytheon.  Keeping us home.  His retirement didn't come without its drama,  ex Wife drama.   Before his retirement she felt the need to take him for more child support getting herself a whopping 1000 for the one child they created together.   So obviously when his pay went down this caused a little stress.  Thankfully now we are working on getting taking care of.  But with that came with learning a lot that came with his marriage.  Learning that because he refused to leave she was handed EVERYTHING thanks to the FMSPA law.   That was a MASSIVE punch in the gut.

Rylan is wonderful.   We had one scare which is still up in the air.  Rylan gets his eyes checked at The Childrens Clinic.  The eye doc there leaves something to be desired, the first year we saw her she kept pushing for Rylan to have surgery on his lazy eye, Which is ONLY noticeable when he is really tired.  So Steven and I were against that.  Then the following year she kept saying she noticed something on his optic nerve.  Yet when I asked what that meant she only responded with "I dont know".  To tell me he could have pressure on his brain, tumor on his brain, leukemia, and so much more.  Yeah I lost it.

Here we are almost a year later and he is still kicking butt.  The one ophthalmologist I know on a personal level helped me by reminding me that by now his eye would be pushed forward.  Another friend with experience with brain pressure and a child, helped me as well by letting me know what I would be looking for.  Following up with his Neurologist he didnt noticed anything abnormal. So my thoughts, he doesnt have a normal brain. So things will not develop normal.

Oh and the FUN part.  Rylan turned 10.  10 is not a fun age!  The mood swings are awesome and very frustrating.  Combine that with the discomfort of growing pains My sweet little boy is changing.  I blame all the adults I know for not giving me a heads up! But I do still worry at times that something more is wrong.  It is times like this that make me wish I could just experience a stress free life,  Just once.

I decided to turn back to venting on my blog as trying to reach out to my special friends for support on Facebook back fired.  Especially after the woman labeled as my "God Mother" trolled on my FaceBook page one too many times.  I decided to remove her causing her to send me probably the nastiest message in my life.   Berating me as a Mom, wife, and friend. It hurt...A LOT.  But it also woke me up to not dealing with certain things anymore.

Oh and I cant forget BASEBALL!!!!! Rylan is doing Baseball!  I signed him up to be a part of The Tucson Challenger Little League.  I have to say its a wonderful experience for him.  Since he has been home bound he has lacked the kid interaction I wish he could have.  One of my Best Girlfriends signed her daughter up as well. Trinity and Rylan ended up on the same team so its awesome I get to see my friend every Saturday!!

Here is to the rest of 201 5 being wonderful!   I love life right now,